Tribe.net. Local Connections rax http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#3f5e8c2e-9a60-4603-8e71-098818d0d41d 2009-09-01T05:04:05Z 2009-09-01T05:04:05Z

> When you're more compassionate,/ empathic it's hard to set boundaries so you don't get abused or trampled. Especially in relationships.

rax 2009-09-01T05:04:05Z Ray http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#6b6f24aa-9a2c-4989-8a10-12c00c25416d 2009-09-01T02:44:53Z 2009-09-01T02:44:53Z

Fantastic points, Blithe.... and stuff I'm working on, too. When you're more compassionate,/ empathic it's hard to set boundaries so you don't get abused or trampled. I've experienced this many a time.

Ray 2009-09-01T02:44:53Z Blithe http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#e591b2fc-9d4a-4d20-aa88-c01060518c7e 2009-08-30T22:31:00Z 2009-08-30T22:31:00Z

This is an interesting post. I can certainly relate to what you say about being perceived as 'weak' by others. I think it's true in some ways and not in others. I think a lot of INFPs are seen as passive, gentle and yielding almost to a fault -- but this could be interpreted as the negative side of us being sympathetic and flexible. I have been criticised in the past for not 'answering back' and I find it hard to set boundaries with rude, aggressive or pushy people (who certainly make me feel like a child sometimes). Part of this is me being overly empathic, ('they've had a tough background... I don't want to judge'), part of it is my hatred of conflict ('I don't want to rock the boat'), and part of it is not caring too much about the small things ('I can't be bothered to fight to get my own way, and I don't want to be seen as selfish'). Avoiding conflict, taking others' needs seriously and trying not to judge are laudable ideals, but taken to extremes, they can damage you. You don't have to fight every battle, but sometimes INFPs really do need to claim the right to be treated respectfully and have their ideas listened to -- because if we don't do it we are either letting ourselves down, or failing to help others realise when their behaviour is out of line. You might want to consider taking an assertiveness training course? I am going to take one soon if I can because I think this will help me -- the goal is to be assertive without being aggressive (or becoming more self-assured, as Nigel said). This means learning to set boundaries in your relationships with others so they don't take advantage of you. I think another point is learning to care less about what others think of you. This wouldn't be a problem for an ESTJ or ENTJ type, but if you're an INFP you're likely to care too much! I know from teaching situations that the teacher who tries too hard to please his/her class is less respected than the ones who uphold principles at the cost of being disliked. And in the long run, liked better, because they are respected. Don't lose your gentleness and sensitivity -- but make sure you can be assertive with others if you need to be. Hope that's helpful... Blithe

Blithe 2009-08-30T22:31:00Z Nigel http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#4905db37-06bf-4599-b745-27c828956a22 2009-07-29T09:03:23Z 2009-07-29T09:03:23Z

Yup, I'm there with you. I get the same thing. I think the balanced, 'professional' response is something like: There are different types of strength. An eagle's strength is different from that of a lion. The key is to discover your own strengths, and to then strategize around them, instead of trying to plan for and strategize around a bunch of strengths that you don't really have. But on the other hand, sometimes I feel weak! I'm not going to be winning or even participating in any shouting matches anytime soon. And I am not going to pushing my agenda down anyone's throat either. I'm a bit skittish at times, though it's mostly internal. Tend to be gentle, passive, yielding. Those things are called weak by the culture at large. On the other hand, I'm 148 pounds, and I bench 200. That's not superman but it's decent. So physically, I'm not weak. But I guess what we're talking about is aggressiveness and self-assuredness. I'll never be aggressive, but maybe as my life works out I'll grow in self-assuredness. I think that just comes from having situations and interactions in your life that you can handle well.

Nigel 2009-07-29T09:03:23Z jes http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#3e94c24f-283d-4997-8d0c-b914123a11f1 2009-07-02T01:37:48Z 2009-07-02T01:37:48Z

That isn't ALWAYS true, about every single characteristic, but I mean generally speaking.

jes 2009-07-02T01:37:48Z jes http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#ab57e038-f8f2-4c03-bf45-399308b5f81a 2009-07-02T01:36:26Z 2009-07-02T01:36:26Z

I understand what you mean. I have always felt though that in people, people relate most to their peers who ...they have the most in common with. Mannerisms, the way they talk, walk, approach things, etc. I think that people who are like you, or you FEEl like they are like you, you will listen to the most. I think that some characteristics of INFP people is that, maybe they can be shy, or soft spoken, or passive. Alot of people are like this, and many are not. I don't think that their is a possible way of reaching everyone and anyone. I think that as I said before, the people you will affect the most are the people who are most like you and relate to you.

jes 2009-07-02T01:36:26Z $item.owner.firstName http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#caf50c44-5626-4279-bc7e-b1702a1fb6b3 2009-04-07T16:59:28Z 2009-04-07T16:59:28Z

You are ABSOLUTELY right. The rest of the world seems to have some strange idea that if you are kind to someone, you must be "weak". Your business practice is quite honorable and it's relieving to see some common courtesy and honesty for once. I'm tired of there being no integrity in this world.

$item.owner.firstName 2009-04-07T16:59:28Z Nick http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#6a347ba2-6893-4ab0-a042-8d7502004c81 2009-04-06T08:28:59Z 2009-04-06T08:28:59Z

My ex-gf (and only gf for that matter) told me that I needed to charge more for my pricing on videos. (I'm a videographer) But at the time i was only 18, and i just tried to explain to her that I couldn't because of my age, and that they would cut me off and hire someone who's been doing that for years to do it for the regular price. Later an older couple told me that they wanted there grand-daughters piano recital filmed, and that they couldn't afford much, so I just said sure ok, and did it for basically nothing. She told me that they should film it themselves. I said, when they get money, and there daughter becomes better, they'll come back. Needless to say, she thought I caved in to too many people even outside of my work, and broke-up with me. During my 6 months of depression which ended about 2 months ago from losing her, I filmed the piano recital for those people AGAIN, except this time they told the kids parents about me, and they paid me MORE than what I would have originally charged in the first pace, and paid for the previous film before that. They now want me to be there daughters "personal videographer" so i can publish and send videos to schools for her. They pay me monthly now. As for the other people, they have gotten me more business to others who couldn't afford regular videographers and were SO thankful they got there wedding filmed, or other event. So, I guess are "sympathy" combined with our joy of serving others may have us come across as weak, but I am fully confident in how I do business and how I think, and I have done quite well for my age, and she has a job at rite aid which her mom had to give her because she owned the store. Nobody else wanted to hire her. I cared for her deeply, still do, but "logically" she's just another lost immature stupid teenager. (yes holding grudges is a problem I need to work on) But either way people who don't look inside at all to find the real meaning why I do what I do never will and i can't change that. I can hope and pray, but they ultimately have to understand me, and NOT tell me how to run my life. Let them think I'm weak, the only opinion I hold in value are from the people I consider important.

Nick 2009-04-06T08:28:59Z Sol http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#1490e6e4-b991-4d6c-a430-6b23d0f1de27 2009-03-31T02:44:30Z 2009-03-31T02:44:30Z

I re-train horses and dogs,,,,I moved to Tucson when i was in my ywenties,,,I never wanted to be a " cowboy " , I wanted to be a horse man ,,,someone who has a deeper connection and insight into horses,,,I feel I have succeeded and am the person i wanted to meet ,,, Along the way was a place near sedona where I was an assistant working with hard to handle mares and their babies ,,, At the end of the year I got a job as a ranch manager where i stayed for the next two and a half years ,,, At the place I was on for a year, when i left the ranch manager called me over and she said that I should re-consider going back to college, when i asked why she said it was because i wasn't tough enough on the horses,,,I looked at her and told her that maybe I didn't want to be tough on the horses,,, Anyway, the deal here is that I offer who I am and what I am about,,,I don't make a deal out of it and I offer twice then move on ,,, sometimes years later some people said that what i told them took hold but not at the time that i said it,,, and there are some mediocre trainers that have people as their students and the students follow them like puppies,,,years later, and after some frustrations, I have a perspective,,, We have the traits of infp because we just do,,,People who are passive / aggressive don't like it that we quietly want to raise a level of conciousness and by raising the bar we put passive / aggressive people on the spot because pass/ agg people are used to lowering the bar, lowering their standards so others will " like " them,,, so when we come along then we are actually asking them to make something of their selves,,,and as they resist then they are passively asking us to lower our standards for them , and when they don't get their way then they'll get at us thru the manipulations of time or money, or affection,,, This is just a couple of perspectives,,,now these days I offer twice or a few times and then i move on,,,theres plenty of people inthis world that theres no point in wasting energies on those that want to drain us,,,be authentic to who you are ,,,

Sol 2009-03-31T02:44:30Z rax http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#10318d01-b8d3-461b-82de-921a9b8647a2 2009-02-18T04:58:41Z 2009-02-18T04:58:41Z

I get the "child" treatment too, mostly because I look a lot younger than my age and speak softly. I was once told that I'm "not aggressive enough" in a performance review. Why? Because my manager did not listen to my weakly-put-forward suggestion, and the company lost a few client/leads. Well, serves em right to not listen to me. Either ways, I have a healthy ego and I know that my ideas/thoughts/opinions are unique and priceless, and as long as I see worth in them, it doesn't really matter if anyone else cares to listen. What can be done about it? 1. Write it. I find myself better at communicating via email than speech. It gives me a better chance at expressing clearly what the idea is, what its benefits and pitfalls are etc. 2. Don't forget to gloat. Yes, Make sure you get credit for a successful idea, and make sure that all the relevant people know about it. You'll soon find people looking up to you for the next big idea. iNtuitive types are very good at coming up with ideas, linking disparate things/events, finding patterns etc.

rax 2009-02-18T04:58:41Z Jeremy http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#d8a2bc88-a831-4a2b-91f6-4875454b1d67 2009-02-17T21:43:48Z 2009-02-17T21:43:48Z

I've had this problem for much of my life. Even now, though I am only 22, I'm treated like a child by some people because I tend to speak softly and I'm slow to open up to new people. I distinctly remember how I felt in middle school and high school BEFORE I got used to seeing the same familiar faces; it was a crushing, weak, horrible feeling. However, when fueled by passion and what confidence I can muster, I don't feel weak, I can sometimes feel AWESOME and near-euphoric! It's nuts, the chemicals that manifest from feelings!

Jeremy 2009-02-17T21:43:48Z Barton F1nk http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#c54f8840-2039-495a-b05f-603fc0a26f64 2009-02-04T21:43:20Z 2009-02-04T21:43:20Z

yea, why are you even concerned with whether others took your advice or not? You offered it up to them, they chose not to take it, there's really very little else for you to do in that situation.

Barton F1nk 2009-02-04T21:43:20Z david http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#28fd7444-751c-434d-a574-9a9a26881262 2009-01-27T14:53:33Z 2009-01-27T14:53:33Z

Apparently they didn't fail to see it... you failed to see that they saw it. I share this with you and suspect most of our tribe-ees do too, so don't take this personal. You may consider reminding yourself a couple things: If you put into the world that you need parenting, parents will show up and treat you like a child... Still waters run deep. With the latter, you may gain an appreciation for yourself and find that "doing something about it" isn't required.

david 2009-01-27T14:53:33Z JW http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#70663a30-db26-4ae3-9cd9-925b6fdcc715 2009-01-27T04:51:03Z 2009-01-27T04:51:03Z

Maybe the way you present yourself, a soft voice, a speaking style that comes across as unsure, your appearance? I sometimes feel disrespected for such reasons. My ideas probably don't get the credit they deserve, but maybe INFP thinking is such that it takes others a long time to 'get it.' That they eventually see things your way is better than what happens with me, so at least you can take comfort in that. You can always, or usually, distance yourself from people who don't treat you decently, you know.

JW 2009-01-27T04:51:03Z shy talk http://infp.tribe.net/thread/6656adc2-bb97-4453-8a6e-83eb1ad75783#a52d41ab-f538-4f88-a2d8-5506b2b918f3 2009-01-21T06:05:47Z 2009-01-21T06:05:47Z

In day to day life I often feel my ideas, thoughts and opinions are disregarded by others and I'm often treated as irrelevant.....sometimes even stupid, often treated as a "child". Months, sometimes years later, those doing this will return to the subject or matter and say I was right all along.........yet they failed to see that at the time and had no issue with meting out ridicule or disregard, Why is this, and what can be done about it?

shy talk 2009-01-21T06:05:47Z