I can only speak for myself.. But...

The key to my heart is trust... This is gained by friendship. As in the "I really see YOU" sort of friendship. Anything short of that keeps me dashing away. I want all of the same things that everyone on the planet wants, but to get me it takes time and honesty. (And in the past year, I have been head over heels for someone that was a good friend for quite some time, so it is possible, even though I have long been called "unobtainable" by those that did not delve deep enough...)

This guy may be the same way... A lot of the treads here seem to include that theme... We don't want the fleeting or the passing or the superficial... We are slow to trust and tend to live happily under our rocks. If you want the guy, you will have to come to him until he is ready to come to you.

Best of everything... Someone that is wonderful and moves you is rare indeed.

I suppose I'm a bit of an outsider here as an ENFP, but I'll share my wisdom as the happily enamoured girlfriend of an INFP. I think we make a great combination - we're both crazy idealists, live in the moment, and enjoy physical activity, especially activities with a spiritual twist and that we can do together (he does karate and I yoga). I'm his first girlfriend. I think it's important that he sees you have certain higher ideals in common. For instance, after seeing him at many shows - he is a musician - and being on a wave-and-nod basis, he added me as a friend on Facebook seemingly out of nowhere. He always struck me as very quiet, even stoic or worse, robotic. I hadn't had a conversation with him until he posted on my wall with the compliment, "I can't help but count you as a friend after seeing all those Clone High quotes." This began a stream of consciousness and I realized that this guy is much more complex than he lets on, and, if he likes a show like Clone High, then he must have a good sense of (unexpected) humour. I had planned to go to one of his shows but promised myself I'd finish an essay on Taoist Alchemy before I left my house and when I responded to another comment he left on my wall that I hadn't been there because of said essay, he said was speechless. I had no idea about the karate, though I had a faint memory of being told he had spent a month in China in the summer. The INFPs I know are inherently spiritual, even if they don't show it.

There are certain things I've noticed about him. He can be quiet and distant if he's not sure about you. With me however, he is sure, and he lavishes me, spoils me even! When we go out to shows he almost parades me around. We laugh about toppling civilization by making out in public places and disregarding societal codes. We have sex ALL THE TIME, not to mention ANYWHERE WE WANT. INFP's seem like big balls of passion just waiting to burst when they finally trust and feel comfortable with someone they love. His demeanor with his friends is most interesting: he is sharp, quick-witted, and somewhat distant. But his friends love him to death and openly say so. He is quiet with most people, but he is one of the greatest conversationalists I've ever known. He is such a joy to be around!

I'd also like to note that my best friend is also an INFP. She is more flowy and airy, kind of moving with the wind, never really certain of anything. I've noticed that both INFPs had problems with high school - my BF graduating with a 56%, and my BFF still trudging along, dropping out it seems everytime she tries. They both have said it's not a struggle, just a general apathy. Anyway, I'm not sure how relevent this information is but I hope it sheds a little bit of insight on your INFP's character, although his case is very unique due to childhoods and previous experience and such. It's funny, my best friend is a notorious promiscuous girl with all kinds of guys, but my boyfriend had little interest it seems in girls at all. Well, persuing them anyway. She's had a more traumatic childhood with horrible relations with her father which obviously play a part. She's also a Scorpio. My boy's a Cancer. I'm also a Scorpio (Aries Moon and Cancer Rising). I think looking into when he was born is also a good way to look into what he may be thinking, but don't get too obsessive. Good luck!

...And in true ENFP fashion I have blabbed and blabbed and blabbed! Haha.

As an INFP I'm always most taken with E type personalities. I need clear and unequivocable information that someone is interested in me though I can usually tell either way I will disregard it until I know it as fact. Creativity and self-confidence get my attention, but arrogance, rudeness, and similar behaviour will become an instant blackmark. I communicate best with people on a one on one basis or in smallish groups (like 4 or less) unless everyone is really familiar to me so I'm most approachable in such settings. I don't know if that's all strictly speaking standard INFP and for the record i sorta straddle INTP as well but I hope that helps.

Hi,

I know it's a bit late to respond, but I have something to add-

Have you ever hung out with a cat that wants nothing to do with you until you've completely ignored it and almost forgot it was around?

The guy you're after must looooooove it when you give him lots of space! At least I do, anyway. I recently dated someone and our relationship unfolded the same way you're talking about-- I would get interested in him only when he backed away enough for me to crave him.

My suggestion, if you're after this kind of person (because I am one)-- practice waiting, listening, and just receiving him when he comes to you. Practicing just receiving is key.

Let him know that you're open to receiving him, wait, and celebrate what you get from him :-)

My 2 cents! Good luck.

Hi Rachel,

I'll try to answer from a guy perspective without rambling. I have done the same thing as your INFP acquaintance with certain women. To this day, I can't tell if it was true feelings or ego, but I have a feeling it is both. After a lifetime of being rejected or ridiculed for the type of person I am, when I meet a woman that I really fall for, I sometimes "give" too much of myself and will go all out to win and chase her. However, once she starts responding, I slack off, relishing in the fact that she is now into me. Sort of a personal validation. My general point is that he may be playing the same "cat and mouse" game. It doesn't necessarily mean that he's not interested you. It may mean that he is reflecting and basking in the attention that you are giving him. The key is to reach equilibrium, where you give an appropriate amount of attention without totally pulling away. As he becomes comfortable that you really do like him for who he is, this will become more natural.

Hi Rachel ... I am an INFP and was in a deep relationship with an INFJ for over 10 years. When I first met her I had no idea she had an interest in me -- and didn't even think about her -- from a dating stand point. And I would have probably continued to think of her as a great friend if it wasn't for her telling a friend of mine what she thought of me, and of course, him later telling me her feelings. Not sure why I never looked at her as someone I could be in a relationship with until I found at first she was interested in me, but maybe this is what is happening in your situation?