G'day everybody, I am new...I am an INFP, I'm having a really great life, it's been so good to find this forum...I have never met (knowingly) any other INFP's.....this is all really kinda nice, but I have a very serious question:
How the hell do you guys cope with all the judgemental type people/behaviour out there? The people that have strong opinions/judgement upon our world and society and people....and stuff!
Some of it I can let blow over, or blow down the peace pipe, but some are really quite offensive and seem to lack any empathy or compassion or tolerance or understanding of humankind, animalkind, the world????
Or is it just me?
Thanks so much for any feedback. Sometimes I can just walk away, but sometimes I feel like I need to stick up for stuff-the underdog, the picked on? the judged?
Enough eh.
How the hell do you guys cope with all the judgemental type people/behaviour out there? The people that have strong opinions/judgement upon our world and society and people....and stuff!
Some of it I can let blow over, or blow down the peace pipe, but some are really quite offensive and seem to lack any empathy or compassion or tolerance or understanding of humankind, animalkind, the world????
Or is it just me?
Thanks so much for any feedback. Sometimes I can just walk away, but sometimes I feel like I need to stick up for stuff-the underdog, the picked on? the judged?
Enough eh.
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, October 25, 2007 - 5:16 AMpersonally I have had a tough ime with ths subject.....
when I was younger I would lash out or hide inside my head ..
now I selectively ignore some of the these people and override it with a positive feeling..
one of my tribe friends suggested to treat everyone as you would yourself....with the we are one concept...
it works sometimes..I think to myself ..what is this situation teaching me? and I remember who I am .
you can only change how you react not them....that brings some peace to it.
not always easy but getting easier with age and time...
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Unsu...
Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, October 25, 2007 - 6:11 AMI just pity them and walk tall anyway.
Sticking up for these people is like arguing with a mirage. These people like to get under people's skin and want negative attention. Deep down they are cowards, paranoid that people might see who they really are. They sit in fear of everything so instead of being accepting, loving or compassionate they hate, try to control and put down others and well, they're just hurting themselves so that's why I pity them.
If I'm going to spend my energy doing something in an incident like that I would prefer to be supportive of the victim and not get my feathers ruffled up over someone who's really just having a tantrum. In the end I would just state my position and just leave it at that. Can you give any examples?
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, October 25, 2007 - 11:42 AMI feel your pain! (I heard that somewhere once!)
In all seriousness, the personality you were describing tends to fall within the ISTJ & ESTJ types, although not exclusively. They are opposites and perceive the world differently. I constantly butt heads with those types - especially since my office is riddled with them. They usually don't mean any true hard. Bad behavior tends to come from bad upbringing and life experiences, etc. Each specific type in not inherently bad. Alas, any confrontations or bad interactions I have are just brushed aside and I try not to put any attention to them. Usually only after venting to my wife (ENTP) or other INFPs. So what you are doing can be quite therapeutic - just the act of writing down your stresses helps.
Another thing I keep in mind are some things that Dr. Wayne Dyer mentions, along with other phsycologist-types. The opinions of others have no bearing on you. They cannot define you. Any words from others can only define them. If their words condescend, then they are condescending people. Your character is defined by you, and you alone. Keep doing as you are and rise above the negativity. As Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world." (or something to that effect!) Provide the positivity in this life that negativity destroys.
And... remember to smile! INFPs have some of the most contagious smiles around. It can also be annoying to bad folks! =) INFPs also tend to be the "Super Hero" types. I have a few short stories and short animations that I'm developing regarding heroes! We are who we are, I guess! Let's embrace it. =)
take care
-h -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, October 25, 2007 - 3:09 PMThankyou!
I have read and re-read your helpful thoughts and words, the overriding feeling is that other people understand...I've got to clarify here it hasn't been a specific attack on me personally, it is more a general train of thought by some people toward lower socio ecenomic people, it really upsets me (because 1. okay I'm stupid enough to read it and take it to heart) but not everyone has whoopee-do-starts to their lives and can achieve or think like the rest of society, I also find it difficult when people name call others, derogatory stuff...racism, sexism...have and have nots, there but for the grace of God could be me! (or you).
At school we had a couple of young boys who would cop some bullying...I find it very difficult to standby without making my disgust known and that attitude has followed me through life-I have toned it down, it is the other person's problem, it reflects their lack of compassion/integrity, and sometimes it is true, I overreact...
I am overwhelmed to have found this site for one, but it has been a burning question to find other likeminded people how they deal with the judgemental, small ego, shakey legged, bullies of our world. Having said all that I hate conflict...I just don't understand how some people lack compassion, empathy, tolerance, understanding.
Life is so beautiful...I believe I need to understand the J's better...I think if I could get it a bit more where they come from too, that will help.
Thankyou -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, December 27, 2007 - 11:40 AMHi, I think that maybe you some of are confusing Judging with Judgemental. I know at least that INFJ's, like myself, are habitually standing up FOR the underdog as you say...personally I feel that the J preference is an inclination to decide what is right/wrong and take action. It does not necessarily indicate a lack of compassion. I for one find it difficult to reconcile my tendency to being angered by hateful behavior with the compassion to understand where this behavior comes from.
So...I don't think it's fair to equate J personalities with closed-mindedness. -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, December 27, 2007 - 5:37 PMFunny Ive heard something like this before and I believe that others who are not INFP find it difficult to fully understand how an INFP feels and perceives things ......
so no matter how another tries to justify the behavior of others ..the basic question is how do WE deal with the ones that seem like assholes to US.
that is the way I see it..
plz correct me if Im wrong...I dunno.
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Fri, December 28, 2007 - 3:13 AMI agree with what Jessy said on October 25. I am looking to find these answers also. I wonder what our astrological charts have in common. I wonder if it is 12th house stuff. (part of one of my personal studies) Anyway, the pursuit for peace and centeredness gets stronger as I get older. Right now believe it or not, raising my 2 year old daughter is the most centered/connected experience I have ever encountered. I equate being centered with being able to better handle/cooperate with the outside/less peaceful world. I speak up when I encounter children being outright disrespectful. All they want or need is a better way to handle it. Then they have more peace in their bodies and their bodies reflect it as do their actions. I have had much experience, with much less tolerance because of working with children. I finally choose this profession because the retraining of how we support ourselves and each other in life determines our human/planet existence now and in the future. Children, for the most part, simply reflect their environment. Adults, for the most part, simply reflect the tape playing in their head from childhood. Most children get this and appreciate someone is looking out for them.
Have you looked into Marshall Rosenberg's work? It may interest you. I know I jumped on to the subject of conflict resolution, but to me they are similar, whether the conflict is internal or external coping. At least they are in this moment. : ) Sleepless in Atlanta. -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Fri, December 28, 2007 - 9:07 PMThanks Steph I will look into Rosenbergs work. myself ....It sounds very interesting and helpful. : ) -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Fri, December 28, 2007 - 9:10 PMHow do I find what is in my 12 house Steph?..I had a natal chart done ...I will look there and try to figure it out. : ). -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, December 29, 2007 - 12:27 AMHey Jessie,
Astro.com is a good place to get your chart. You need birthplace, time and date. Look under free reports, then under chart ..., ascendant. It may list the written details in the personality report.
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Fri, December 28, 2007 - 12:29 PMRachel,
What great insights!
The big irony is that type expert Dr. John Beebe has stated INFPs are "the most judgmental of the types." So there's quite a paradox in the original posting. In truth, an INFP's favorite process is a judging one. It's what they do best!
I have been on the receiving end of some painful and nasty INFP judging. Some of it on this very message board. I was shocked by the reception I was given here, and it caused me much heartache. I felt pretty hurt by it. The INTJ tribe was much more friendly and welcoming to me, which seemed ironic.
And you're sooo right -- judging is not the same as judgmental.
Moreover, it's a mistake to suppose "judging" as a function overall is bad. We ALL use judging (or we'd be dead!).
I've met many INFJs who are uncomfortable with the "J" in their code, because they do not practice being "judgmental." (I too have INFJ preferences.)
As I recall, Isabel Briggs-Myers said that we should use "Perceiving" on other people, and "Judging" on ourselves. That was the formula she advocated.
I like your distinction that having a "J" in one's type code is about craving some form of structure -- it's not a lack of compassion. ISFJs are among the most compassionate people I know -- speaking of some nurses I've met. And there's that "J" in the code.
I like the wonderful clarifications you've made. Don't we all want to be treated with compassion?
The older I get, the more important I believe compassion is, and I've begun to feel "retaliation" is among the most menacing. "Getting back at someone" for a perceived injury is approaching "eye-for-an-eye" mentality, and represents dangerous shadow territory that brings out the potential for evil in each of us. Who can really say who the "underdog" is? Who has the right to make those decisions? It's one thing to "safeport" someone out of harm's way; it's another thing entirely to try to "punish" anyone. That's where we can easily go wrong.
I agree with the other poster about Marshall Rosenberg's model of non-violent communication. It's a model that espouses consideration and compassion. It has always seemed to represent the best INFP perspective of how interactions could ideally be.
Regarding conflict, here is a lovely passage from Thich Nhat Hanh. I hope you enjoy it.
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We Are the Light
To reconcile conflicting parties, we must have the ability to understand the suffering of both sides. If we take sides, it is impossible to do the work of reconciliation. And humans want to take sides. That is why the situation gets worse and worse. Are there people who are still available to both sides? They need not do much. They need do only one thing: go to one side and tell all about the suffering endured by the other side, and go to the other side and tell all about the suffering endured by this side. That is our chance for peace. That can change the situation. But how many of us are able to do that? -
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Unsu...
Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, December 29, 2007 - 10:01 PMI'm going to use a variant of the html tag to bracket some insensitive statements said in jest:
<tongue in cheek>
If we treat you badly its because you are an evil INFJ interloper.
I think you are just mad that we put things-and-people through a value-system almost immediately while you do this, like, months later.
</tongue in cheek>
:)
As you've admitted, a value judgment isn't the same as being a jackass to people i.e. engaging in judgmental behavior. In addition to that statement, in a sort of two propositional self-canceling manner ( :) ), being "judgmental" on a forum or through e-mail is a little different than in real life. But, this forum is about, its core, an aspect of how a person's thought processes i.e. psychology works is an integral part of a person's identity. What seems like an attack on an INFP's personality will result in the attacker reaping the whirlwind. And in this sometimes cruel ESTJ/ESFJ/ENTJ world there are a lot of prior Issues and Judgments that us Crusader-Monks and Dreamers would like to enact our Vengeance upon. The infp reacts strongly against labels, even if they are correct.
INFPs have the superpower to make value judgments but that doesn't mean I'm going to wave my Judgment in a person's face and ruin their day with it... unless they are harming something I hold dear.
A typical scenario would proceed thusly:
Internal thought process on seeing someone doing something odd: "Wow, that person is crazy."
What is actually said by the INFP: "Hi, how are you today, sir?"
What the judgmental attitude that we're referring to would say: "You better stop that, its just not what people should do."
Its the mean Te judging that is the issue. The kind that doesn't allow exceptions and gets in everyone's face with it. Like those that use the law to limit people's self-actualization or yell insensitive things at people in the street. -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Tue, January 1, 2008 - 6:53 AMtouche, and good points! Never thought about the value jugdement thing...immediately vs. delayed. I will have to look that up!
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, February 9, 2008 - 11:09 AMhello everyone
Here is my story! My sister and her x divorced almost 7 yrs ago and she has 4 beautiful kids, 3 boys and 1 girl. Her x husband is now living with another woman (who is the topic of this reply). When my sister and the x, were seperated, he had already met this woman, but was still not moved out of the home he and my sister shared for many years. My sister could not afford a good lawyer and he made my sister out to be a real terrible mother, in which she was a great mother. To make a long story short, she was given 2 days to move out of the home and he got custody of the kids. They are all teenagers now, up to 19 yrs of age and they do not wish to have anything to do with any of our side of the family now. They have been brainwashed into believing that because we, being my sisters, my brother (who passed away at the age of 39 in oct) and myself grew up with an alcoholic father that we are a dysfunctional family and the woman he is with now, tells them all that we are all mentally ill, which is furtherst from the truth. We are none of us perfect in any way, but we are just as normal a family as anyone else's, including theirs. I just recently found out that now, the woman is saying horrible things about my own daughter, whom she has never even met. My daughter is well mannered and respectful 22 yr old young woman who "yes" has two children of her own but also goes to college, but the "woman" is saying that because she has two children now, she is just another part of our disfunctional family and everytime any of us say anything my nephews and nieces, she is taking out her psychology books and anaylyzes our emails, or letters with the kids to tell them "see, this is the kind of illness they have.. It's absolutely horrible the things this woman says about our family.
How on earth do you deal with someone like that.. I have wanted so many times to email her and give her a piece of my mind, but what's the point, she just seems to get her kicks out of destroying whatever communication can ever be attained for us with the kids by forever "bashing us" so to speak... She only knows us through what my siter's x tells us and he was with my sister for 20 yrs and we all spent alot of time together, so we could not have been that bad... My sister has not seen her children for over 5 yrs now and they want nothing to do with her because of all the horrible stories and lies my x brother in law and mostly the "woman" say about us.
HOW ON EARTH DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF PERSON.. I THINK PERSONALLY SHE HAS INSECURITY ISSUES AND THE ONLY WAY SHE CAN FEEL SECURE IS BY CUTTING MY SISTER AND OUR FAMILY OUT BECAUSE OF ALL THE HISTORY WITH HIM AND US..
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, December 29, 2007 - 4:59 PMI avoid them, of course. I can't avoid myself, though. Anyway, I am only responding to defend INFPs against this "judgmental" thing. INFP judgments center around character, I think, which is kind of an excuse, but a decent one. (Not like judging somebody for not following the crowd.) Another excuse has to be depression. Somewhere there probably is concrete evidence that INFPs suffer a high rate of depression (because INFPs are too sensitive for a world that seems biased in favor of certain other personality types). Depression makes people critical. -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, December 29, 2007 - 5:23 PMthats a good one........
we do center the "Judging" around character not preferences.....(what feels right to me, does he or she fall in line with who I am, Is he or she important to me ..all of it only for personal decisions)
Im still trying to understand my crazy INFP ways : )
And Steph..I was reading on the 12 house and how represents the subconscious , worries , underlying issues..., discovering the true self...
I have Sag in that house...should I look anything else up : ) -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Tue, January 1, 2008 - 10:16 PMvery nice John -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, January 3, 2008 - 3:47 AMI appreciate responses here very much, am processing and thinking about what you have all had to say/discussed..
I truly, strongly, deeply identify with the "INFP values"...I have these core values, one of them is the equality of human life, all life is so important, none worth less/ more (eg racism, sexism, financial status, intelligence etc)...This core value has never altered or shifted for as long as I can remember. I strongly value compassion, kindness, empathy; (you know I am not a wimp or soft touch though, can stand quite strongly on stuff-eg granite like :) )
It's just, it's just that isn't it the easiest thing in the world to be loving, kind, tolerant, compassionate; it's a great gig, it flows....to me, to judge people on their race, finances, gender....it seems to take so much out of people, chews them up and spreads like poison...I may well be being "judgemental" by judging these behaviours? LOL ...this is all close to resolution for me, inside the heart, the head...I don't think I could write an essay on it, but the whole thing is sorting itself out.
Does anyone else get that full of stuff on the heart and brain it virtually becomes impossible to put into words...it's like a body of a thousand conversations and feelings going down. LOL ....and then it just clicks, whammo, gotchya!
How did I not see that?!!
THX -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, January 3, 2008 - 5:27 AM>>Does anyone else get that full of stuff on the heart and brain it virtually becomes impossible to put into words...it's like a body of a thousand conversations and feelings going down<<
so true....
gosh..almost everyday..lol.. this forum has helped me with being able to articulate better...
expressing my feelings is something I have difficulties with and I have to admit I am getting so much better
with letting them out in a healthy way ....just expressing them period ...forming words out of such deep feelings..wow
the funny thing is when others agree or have the same feelings ..its so wonderful for me...
not speaking in anger or frustration is important for me.... but never without passion.
with love and compassion....
jess -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, January 3, 2008 - 9:04 AMSomething I have observed in my realtionships with those that are on the "J" side of the fence is their need to come to a conclusion or reach a decision before I am ready. (I am VERY P and can take forever to do this) What I see happen is they will reach their own conclusion, and it is often wrong. So while I am still collecting facts and feelings, the J person is taking action. However sometimes the action is premature, as they are guessing, often incorrectly, my thought processes. Then actions have occurred and cannot be undone. So is our energy better spent p-ing around an issue, or setting action into motion that may have to be undone or reversed?
I have found when I try to verbalize and share my thought processes with a J, that this becomes *the word* and can be written in stone. So I began witholding discussion until I felt sure about my decisions. Then it seems the J person thinks I am not giving the matter my attention. This may not be the best way to deal with this, but it just became apparent to me. It may be more effective if I could discuss the fact that I am giving a matter my thought and attention, and hope to reach a decision soon.... -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Thu, January 3, 2008 - 3:30 PMThis is very true, as a J type I can say that I definitely prefer doing *something* even if it's not the right thing...it took me a long time to understand why some people aren't like this! I think we are afraid of opportunities going by and regretting inaction (at least, I am). It's true that actions/words sometimes can't be undone - my feeling usually is "at least I know I tried." Good point though, I think it is definitely helpful for us for P people to say "I'm thinking about it" so we know the issue isn't just being ignored.
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Unsu...
with weird
Thu, January 3, 2008 - 6:49 PMSince I'm so brilliant I decided to live on campus for graduate school my first year. I'm back home again. Everyone here is some kind of FJ. More infuriating and annoying than TJs. To avoid conversating about what I'm about or what I'm thinking about I just go over the top with my replies -- the goofy that those with eN have.
Explaining where I was for a few hours: "I was abducted by aliens who did blank and blank to me."
People are too emotional and loud about nothing? "I'm going to go read."
Why couldn't you sleep John? "The demons were attacking me with flaming pitch forks."
What's wrong? "The monkeys got into the cornbread."
Basically, I attack them with the bizarre. Because telling them what is actually going on would take a ten page paper that doesn't come to a conclusion.
Everything is empirically good and still I'm all adrift because things don't always have a meaning. My honor is not satisfied and is at times even illegal to defend. Even conscious of this process I take it in and turn it upon myself. I'm still the odd one not this messed up society. Its my fault that I don't fit in to this suburban, gray, wasteland of Middle America or the malls and cul de sacs of Southern California. For a me, the bullshit power politics, meaningless sports games, and pettiness is an insult to the True and the Beautiful and to Honor and Justice. Internalizing the dysfunction of things that I see behind events and seeing things with shit-colored glasses when we, INFPs, are actually closer to what is good than what is out there. Does this make sense to y'all? -
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Re: with weird
Thu, January 3, 2008 - 10:12 PMI got you John.....your so funny...hey we love you here...have fun reading. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: with weird
Fri, January 4, 2008 - 5:42 AMI wonder if any of you considered making this tribe "acceptance only"...as in, not everyone can join, because I think that seems to be how it would be preferred. It's one thing to discuss personality differences and another to say you are "good" and everyone else is not. That seems more judgemental to me than anything else... -
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Unsu...
Re: with weird
Fri, January 4, 2008 - 8:19 AMI really am going for a little humor in these posts. :)
My INFP triumphalism exists only in these posts. I just run away when people are being a certain way. And don't want to be considered bad or broken in a tribe for people who are similarly exiled from the True Country (imaginary INFP paradise). I'm trying to portray things by giving myself a heroic cast instead of admitting defeat all the time. Everyone IS better. But its fun to pretend to be the Champion of the story instead of the sensitive comic relief.
I'm sorry if I come off as being actually judgmental. I mean, everyone has aspects of all the personalities within them so everyone could be an INFP if they tried hard enough. :)
I'm trying to have fun while admitting stuff. I'll go hide now in another forum....
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Re: with weird
Fri, January 4, 2008 - 9:35 AM> It's one thing to discuss personality differences and another to say you are "good" and everyone else is not. That seems more judgemental to me than anything else...
I'm not sure if "everyone else is not (good)" was implied, or inferred.
INFPs constantly deal with the Good vs Evil thing.
How many people here are bothered by the evils of war in Iraq and elsewhere?
How many of us see Capitalistic greed in our corporations as something that is harming humanity at large ?
Why is big pharma charging an arm and a leg for an HIV drug that costs pennies to produce, and using Africa as a testbed?
Why is Africa again the lost continent and we simply turn a blind eye to everything thats happening there?
Why are drug patents not made to expire quicker when people's lives are at stake?
If things like these keep you awake at night, then come join the "good" club.
Whats lacking is that few of us actually do something about the problems.
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Re: with weird
Fri, January 4, 2008 - 8:53 PMIs it me or did I miss the "your not welcome" banner...
This is an INFP tribe we are going to speak or write in the manner in which we are comfortable with , with no bad intentions..this is what we talk about and how we express ourselves but if you are not an INFP and are perceiving things in another way ..no one here is to blame....and IM sorry if anyone feels that way.
John your fine... so no worries ...you said nothing wrong and playful and truthful is nice ....plus a little imagination doesnt hurt either.
That is what these forums are for ..to have conversations with like minded people to feel safe, and understood....
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, January 5, 2008 - 2:36 AMThis thread is the first time I actually connected to this tribe.
It was very challenging to have this type of awareness as a child and be stifled, "seen and not heard" by many of the adults around. At least, we are adults now and more able to make a difference in our communities and with guiding our children. And, able to create our "home retreats."
I think our values are high and clear. ~ Looking for, moving toward, harmony, and choosing respect and peace, because we are the examples, to get there. And, I get sometimes respect for oneself and others does not always look or feel peaceful. -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, January 5, 2008 - 7:31 AMUnfortunately I have found that as an INFP because I can be very gentle and tolerant that I run into situations where a person will mistake that for weekness or not being assertive and then I am seen as aggressive when I speak more directly just to get a point across.
It seems like a loose loose situation sometimes but Id rather these days, be clear and direct than not have a voice.
I believe this is common for INFP to be seen as aggressive when they stick up forthemselves...
not sure if its the need to be understood , the passion and strong belief in the cause that comes across that way. -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, January 5, 2008 - 7:33 AMBy the way..you seem to sound like a very healthy INFP Steph. which is wonderful... are you always very level headed and peaceful given any situation and have you overcome the idealism of a perfect world and perfect people? -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sat, January 5, 2008 - 6:45 PMThank you so much Jessy. (smile) I find your words quite encouraging!
I think I have been whacked over the head by the ol' universal two by four enough times....
I am getting there I hope. 41 should be worth something, huh?!
No, not in any given situation. Then again, maybe in those times it is absolutely necessary. Sometimes it is hard to tell. I am learning.
I get what you said, also, just before this last entry about how people perceive "weakness", then when speaking up and being more direct "aggressive"... all of my life. I am learning to identify what does not work for me and what does, much quicker, and I am more ready and willing to share it, hopefully without blaming the other person while offering information about "if... then". I decided I would offer all that to a friend tonight regarding a situation where I felt I was giving above and beyond and felt taken advantage of. I just needed to identify what was truly OK with me and talk about it. (We had to leave messages ~ single moms with toddlers.) I have very high service expectations for myself. I choose to reevaluate my expectations of myself and take a look at what is realistic for me right now. It is quite humbling!!!! : ) Maybe I am overcoming the perfection expectations I have on myself and that gives the rest of the world a break. I make mistakes all the time! My body feels so much better when I say " I am sorry" and mean it and make a real effort to do better. I am working on all of this and more these days. Just trying to "rewire" all the old stuff that is no longer useful. -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Sun, January 6, 2008 - 11:43 PMI am still evolving at 36 and do look foreward to becoming better at who I am inside...
most important is communication and getting my feelings across in a direct but non threatening way.
I admire those qualities when I see them in others...like you : ) Its not always easy in this world.
thanks!
jessy -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Mon, January 14, 2008 - 8:30 PMI still react quite strongly to people that constantly pass their judgment. Although I rarely verbalize it, it has a very visceral effect on me. I think I take issue with some people's insistence upon being right instead of doing right. I think the correct action is to pity them and try to ignore them but sometimes I fall into the same trap. I find myself defending something I never intended to defend because I don't think it should be criticized. In the end, I wind up angry at myself for wanting to be right (judgemental!) instead of doing right.
There is an old saying.... "What you say about another says more about you than it says about the other person." ...or something like that.
For me judgmental equates to self-righteous which equates to hostility toward open-mindedness. But I could be wrong. ;) -
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Tue, January 15, 2008 - 8:17 PM>>There is an old saying.... "What you say about another says more about you than it says about the other person." ...or something like that. <<
this is very true..I like it.
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Re: How do you cope with judgemental people/types behaviour?
Tue, January 15, 2008 - 12:33 AMI'm a mediator by nature. I will usually try to engage people in a discussion if they seem to be intelligent. Usually I try to ascertain why people believe what they believe and honestly consider it. If I feel that they are wrong I will present my views. When I find someone is either unwilling or unable to engage in open discussion I will almost immediately clam up and fall back on non-commital response to end the conversation or get away if possible. I almost never lash out at people unless they hit a real hot button issue for me (racism, poverty, etc) or am in a really bad mood.
