Tribe.net. Local Connections Vicky Jo http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#1e8062f7-5c39-453c-b62a-25012bf04d7a 2008-03-25T17:42:05Z 2008-03-25T17:42:05Z

I admire you for this. You remind me of this article: http://www.powerofrespect.org/2006/11/if_it_caught_on_it_might_be_th.html It seems to reflect what you came to discover on your own. Please keep up the great work -- we so need you.

Vicky Jo 2008-03-25T17:42:05Z $item.owner.firstName http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#bb514aa9-c992-46f0-a650-90593d87d1a8 2008-03-19T01:47:24Z 2008-03-19T01:47:24Z

I've second guessed myself for years until I finally had to accept that I can and do read people accurately. This doesn't mean that I see the whole picture about a person, but I can get a sense of their intentions, their perspective on life, where they are stuck, what their soft or sensitive spots are, and what they value, usually with one short conversation or visiting their house or sometimes their profile page. I've always been conflicted about this ability. Where I once use to dismiss people quickly, based on my values and my assessment of them, I now try to be more open. The result is that I discover wonderful things about them I couldn't have known. Very good things have come to me from people who initially gave me pause. Which doesn't mean that I was wrong, or that at times, my knowing them didn't come back to bite me. It's just that I began to prefer being more open and accepting of people because I like surprises and people are full of surprises. I am learning to adjust my expectations of people. I use my ability to read them to decide what kind of relationship and expectations I should develop. I hold insights about someone in a neutral place inside me and just wait and see what happens. If I meet someone, for example, who is creative and interesting and makes me feel listened too, and yet at the same time, I pick-up that they tend to gossip and hold grudges, care a little too much about what other's think of them, I just hold on to this information and move cautiously. I wait to see if I am right. Then I decide how much of myself I give to that relationship. Trying all the while to keep in mind that what I potentially dislike about them says something about me as well. It is a balance. When I was younger, I had this uncanny ability to zero on really personal stuff about people I had just met. I think when I was a child I didn't know I was doing it and it got me into trouble. As I got older I began to doubt myself and feel tremendous guilt about having this ability in the first place. I learned not only to say nothing, but also to not listen to myself. Its taken me years to reclaim this very useful gift.

$item.owner.firstName 2008-03-19T01:47:24Z JW http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#5a4b99d4-dafc-4491-bf88-e7e99cd785dd 2008-03-02T16:31:29Z 2008-03-02T16:31:29Z

The replies give me a sense of relief. At the same time, I feel frustration. Do I need to be even better at reading people? I'm not Judging in the sense of making an assessment and refusing to consider new information. I'd like to be wrong more. But when I sense something bad at the start and am not dismissive of that person, eventually someone gets hurt. Let me ask two questions. When you were younger, in childhood, how good were you at reading people? Also, when you are interacting with someone offline, are you wondering what that person is thinking?

JW 2008-03-02T16:31:29Z Gary http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#a3aa77dc-5d42-4442-a7de-a3d6787acf9c 2008-02-29T07:26:46Z 2008-02-29T07:26:46Z

I definitely have some kind of fuzzy assessment of people. I believe in it quite a bit if i need a quick decision and I won't be around the person long (like at a party), but I know that it's been inaccurate often enough that I don't wholly trust it for any circumstance that might go on for a while. Still, I need to remind myself constantly of my fallibility, because I know what I consider important in social interaction, and I don't need to watch someone long to get an idea of whether they're going to irritate me. That's really it: I do take longer to decide who they are, but I'm pretty quick about deciding whether I want to stick around and find out. When I think of "reading people", though I usually think of times when I continue to pay attention to them. i have frequently been the one in conversations with others who first identifies that two sides are not understanding each other and then translated one person's meaning into terms that the other could understand and accept. In fact, I pretty much thought I could read anyone who wasn't masterfully and intentionally sending the wrong signals, until I, an INFP who has always lived on the west coast, dated an INTP from New York; in a year and a half, I could never read her like I wanted (nor she me).

Gary 2008-02-29T07:26:46Z SynerGy http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#3a6eba40-b67a-4881-878c-b38d9e0b07cd 2008-02-27T21:07:48Z 2008-02-27T21:07:48Z

i am scorpio and have innate ability to percieve and assess people ... almost never wrong either ...

SynerGy 2008-02-27T21:07:48Z Vicky Jo http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#6f2db482-3e4b-4d1d-8649-a318a70acdad 2008-02-27T19:14:12Z 2008-02-27T19:14:12Z

This may or may not be what you meant, but I notice my antennae have gone up at the idea that one is not "overconfident in assessing people," but rather perhaps making "snap judgments" about people. I'm brought to mind of how the INFP pattern features introverted Thinking in the 8th position (also called the "demonic" or "devilish" position), which type expert Dr. John Beebe calls "lazy & unreflective; not morally alive." The 8th position operates in the mode of "business as usual," without considering the unique attributes of a given situation. So -- to employ a stereotype -- devilish introverted Thinking might show up as assuming all blondes are bimbos, without taking the trouble to actually get to know the blonde in question and find out whether or not he or she really *is* a bimbo. I see it with an INFP I know who is always ragging on "men" as if they are all cut from the same cloth. She has a "pattern" she runs about "men" as an overall category, rather than treating each of them as an individual person with their own unique traits and qualities. Whenever she goes into her "men" rant, I know that she has "shut down," and is no longer open to information. It's an automatic, self-protective stance that doesn't want any challenges. If you do challenge it, you're gonna get an earful. :-( Now this may not be what you're describing, and yet I didn't think you'd mind hearing this input, since it might provide some insights and highlight a danger you may be unaware of. What does it spark for you?

Vicky Jo 2008-02-27T19:14:12Z Graydon http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#5af3c10c-1e2b-4a4f-bd0e-93ebef6d847c 2008-02-27T07:11:25Z 2008-02-27T07:11:25Z

I can relate completely. Someone can tell me anything and I never judge them, but when it comes to making snap judgements in my head, that is an all too common occurrence. But I don't just make these judgements based on appearance. I'm often overconfident thinking I have a "read" on them and know exactly what they're feeling. Lately I have started to see this in myself and have been working to not make assumptions too early, as I wish others would do for me. Still it has been something that has become enough of a problem for me to realize it and try to work on correcting this problem.

Graydon 2008-02-27T07:11:25Z pj http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#9f0146e2-50a5-49cc-b9fa-a274aa249ca4 2008-02-23T22:05:09Z 2008-02-23T22:05:09Z

For me it's...... I can't help it I just love people, I want to know what they think about stuff, what get's their attention, what is their passion, can I learn something from them-(always!). That has to be balanced with solitary time, interacting with people is tiring, but I do love it. The ones that fly out of the gate with strong language and judgemental type behaviour, even they fascinate me a lot because I think; "where does this come from!!" Why are they saying all this prickly stuff-are they serious!?" Some people I just love to be around-this site, I love it, you have no idea how much fun and how peaceful it is to be around this site...The ability to just let it all out without getting snapped at!! Or funny looks, or snide comments. But definitely enjoy discovering people and how they think, what they think, I need to stock take and reassess how much I am assessing and to what degree, kinda like eating sometimes, you get that engrossed in something, you actually forget if you have eaten or not, and what was it anyway? Interesting stuff. As always!

pj 2008-02-23T22:05:09Z JW http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#bd4b7c31-73c4-4b62-9f68-5e36e9e37b38 2008-02-23T20:34:27Z 2008-02-23T20:34:27Z

I go for "fuzzy," too. I know there are systems for reading people, but I would not feel like myself if I were to use them in live interaction. There are many, many methods of improving conversation skills, but it's the same issue. I just stick with my usually ineffective style of statements, observations, factoids, and maybe some ideas and humor. (That was closer to the topic of discussion I declined to start.) If it keeps going, the other person probably is INFP or ENFP or some other type that likes to bounce around in conversation.

JW 2008-02-23T20:34:27Z Barton F1nk http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#10c3cafe-c99c-4f2c-a38b-736ef76925b0 2008-02-22T23:52:58Z 2008-02-22T23:52:58Z

I've always had a 'fuzzy' way of assessing people that was usually focused on their degree of 'pettiness' and focus on detail instead of more interesting abstract conversation, but I was never able to articulate it until reading a book called "the art of speed reading" which uses Meyers-Briggs as its foundation. There are still a number of people I can't quite get a bead on, and the book repeatedly mentions that its best to look at every assessment as a working hypothesis instead of a conclusion. In terms of friendship, I usually just base it on how restricted I feel in the conversation, without even putting much thought in to what type of person I am speaking with. I just let my natural gravity take me places.

Barton F1nk 2008-02-22T23:52:58Z JW http://infp.tribe.net/thread/95d23fa2-ea48-44e0-a86c-6f40cf44cba6#dd5c6399-6747-49d7-9d11-7ec23081532e 2008-02-22T04:47:30Z 2008-02-22T04:47:30Z

I was thinking of a related topic, but I doubt it would have gotten many responses and this goes to the heart of the issue. I probably make too many assumptions about individuals. I look at them, and I "know" if they are interesting or not. I talk to them (if I talk to them) and don't ask questions or don't offer much about myself. You might rightly infer from my withholding that most of my assessments are negative and that I worry about being hurt. And that I'm left lonely. The issue is on my mind because I recently met an interesting person whom I might have written off based on just appearance and chit-chat. Don't misunderstand - I do believe my ability to read people would prove good if there were a test for it and that I (partly because of INFP type) don't have enough in common with most people to invest much effort by default, but maybe I should second-guess myself more. I was about to post without the question, assuming again - Can you relate to what I've described?

JW 2008-02-22T04:47:30Z