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I found the quote, "stop being NICE and start being GOOD. be good."
Then they list things like hobbies you should get into, and all this other crap that I didn't read because it sounded like she was trying to tell you to fit into a jelly mold person. Big houses, fancy cars, know what you want, put yourself first, and all this other stuff. Look, that's fine. BUT
That doesn't mean the guy that puts others before himself isn't confident. Think about this. IF your ideals tells you to strive to be a better person, a nicer person, all the time, putting others before yourself, not caring about money (to some degree of course), and just totally beleiving that love can blossom from anywhere, well then, that doesn't sound like the "Good" that this lady described, and it certainly is not what people are telling you to be in American society. So, if you have somebody with ideals that go AGAINST the grain, I beleive that would be harder? And if that's harder then I beleive they have all the self confidence in the world to keep their ideals in a society that tries to get rid of them.
I've heard tons of arguments how "nice guys" are guys with no self confidence and that they put other peoples needs above their wants.
Look, just because somebody puts other peoples needs above their wants does not mean that they're not self confident. If that were true, that means Mother Theresa was the most self depricating person in the world, because she always put others before herself. BUT, she wasn't. She was a very confident lady. Or Jesus would have been a very self loathing person, but he wasn't. Get my point? Just because you can't put others ahead of yourself, and society tells you to conform to put yourself first, does not mean that we aren't self confident. It means we have ideals. We stick to them. And sticking to ideals that EVERYONE IS TELLING YOU TO CHANGE takes a lot more confidence then conforming to what everyone tells you to do.
So take this quote and shove it up your ass. Or, learn to realize that not ALL people that are confident abide by your ideals of confidence. I'm sick of people assuming that because I'm too nice that I have no self confidence or that I'm insecure. It's simply I have a view of the world, how it should be, that ideal is worth fighting for. If I give it up to APPEAR to everyone else that I'm confident then I'm losing my identity. I have no idea how so many people I talk to do NOT SEE THIS.
Then they list things like hobbies you should get into, and all this other crap that I didn't read because it sounded like she was trying to tell you to fit into a jelly mold person. Big houses, fancy cars, know what you want, put yourself first, and all this other stuff. Look, that's fine. BUT
That doesn't mean the guy that puts others before himself isn't confident. Think about this. IF your ideals tells you to strive to be a better person, a nicer person, all the time, putting others before yourself, not caring about money (to some degree of course), and just totally beleiving that love can blossom from anywhere, well then, that doesn't sound like the "Good" that this lady described, and it certainly is not what people are telling you to be in American society. So, if you have somebody with ideals that go AGAINST the grain, I beleive that would be harder? And if that's harder then I beleive they have all the self confidence in the world to keep their ideals in a society that tries to get rid of them.
I've heard tons of arguments how "nice guys" are guys with no self confidence and that they put other peoples needs above their wants.
Look, just because somebody puts other peoples needs above their wants does not mean that they're not self confident. If that were true, that means Mother Theresa was the most self depricating person in the world, because she always put others before herself. BUT, she wasn't. She was a very confident lady. Or Jesus would have been a very self loathing person, but he wasn't. Get my point? Just because you can't put others ahead of yourself, and society tells you to conform to put yourself first, does not mean that we aren't self confident. It means we have ideals. We stick to them. And sticking to ideals that EVERYONE IS TELLING YOU TO CHANGE takes a lot more confidence then conforming to what everyone tells you to do.
So take this quote and shove it up your ass. Or, learn to realize that not ALL people that are confident abide by your ideals of confidence. I'm sick of people assuming that because I'm too nice that I have no self confidence or that I'm insecure. It's simply I have a view of the world, how it should be, that ideal is worth fighting for. If I give it up to APPEAR to everyone else that I'm confident then I'm losing my identity. I have no idea how so many people I talk to do NOT SEE THIS.
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Re: In Regards to a Quote I found Here....
Sat, January 10, 2009 - 5:00 PMI totally agree with this!! i feel the same way. I hate when i do something genuinly nice for somebody and they turn around and say that i am too nice or assume that I am not assertive or lack confidence or that they are using me! Good for you for standing up for your ideals. We live in a confusing world and being unique is hard to do.
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Re: In Regards to a Quote I found Here....
Mon, January 12, 2009 - 10:49 AMI'm actually going to have to have to disagree here, as I feel there is a distinct difference between "good" and "nice."
I think the good person does what they think is right regardless of what they are put through to go about it. This includes enduring the pain inflicted by nay-saying on-lookers.
Also societies are filled with an infinite number of different perspectives and learning styles and I just don't think "nice" is always the one way to get a lesson through to someone, nor always the way to show someone that you care about them or want to help them. I think that intrinsic in being "good" is confidence as you may not care how your demeanor may have to change to inflict the best idealized results. "Nice," I think, simply implies a universally low-conflict interaction and nothing else. Probably why it's easy to draw such hasty assumptions about levels of confidence.
Now, a sensitive person who wants to be universally GOOD like Jesus or Mother Theresa I think must suffer with wisdom, integrity and dignity. But a sensitive person going against the grain in this world inevitably will suffer. In other words, "the world is not the enemy."
Also, societies are in-part based on those pesky conventionalized general principles. It is part of what makes communication between us all work! Being unique is an incredible gift and does not work best when it's used aginst others.
Afterall, the flood waters carve the caverns deeper!
P.S. This is a post that once inspired me: divalion.livejournal.com/163615.html -
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Re: In Regards to a Quote I found Here....
Wed, January 14, 2009 - 12:14 PMI think it's more important to be good than nice, but "good" according to my personal definition. Benefiting the world, not just in the short term.
That blogger is kind of scary, though I agree with many of the points in that blog entry. It also relates slightly to my pet peeve about being nice. My preference is to be nice, probably in type terms to be cooperative and minimize bad feeling. Sometimes, upon complaints, I'll apologize or change my behavior. Then the same people who were attacking me will think my motive is manipulative or based on weakness. Something is wrong when people think they are never wrong. Maybe it's false confidence or, not sure if this makes sense without writing a ton, fear of thinking like an individual. It boils down to operating as though everyone is for himself , I suspect. That's neither nice nor good.
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Re: In Regards to a Quote I found Here....
Wed, February 4, 2009 - 1:39 PMyou're quite wrong if you think being 'nice' is going against the grain. Being selfless and subservient cuts right to the very heart of Judeo-Christian belief, and it is under the sway of that belief to which we owe nearly every one of our modern 'secular' virtues. It would not be at all incorrect to call Mother Teresa self-deprecating, nor would it be incorrect to consider someone who puts others before himself as lacking in confidence.
I've yet to meet the person who was largely concerned with other peoples emotions and well-being and wasn't clingy, grandiose, over serious, or emotionally dependent in some way. Such a person is usually more interested in emulating a Mommy-Pappy-Child scenario more then a Peer-Peer relationship.
Grown ups recognize that just because they put themselves *first* doesn't mean that they can't help other friends when they know they can be useful. Its not the death of empathy or intimacy. Its merely the recognition of ones own limitations which often requires the humility to acknowledge ones vulnerabilities and needs.
NFPs are particularly capable of being a grown up in the true sense of the word. Unfortunately they often fail to receive the education necessary to know what it means to 'grow up'.
