Just came across this post..interesting...Ive always only had less than a hanful of truly close friends ....I never felt I could be fully understood thus I made it a secret requirement ....that I would only make friends with those that I "felt" understood me and accepted me the way I am..which to me has its quirks so In my mind you had t be a bit quirky or quirky friendly.....(Chuckle). Even now,I have only a few close friends and still find it hard to call them when Im feeling down. I also tend to become dissapointed in those that I considered a friend..somehow my idea of being a friend was not lived up to. crazy isnt it..... but trust is a main factor for my frinships...and no I dont trust that easily but Im learning to be more open. Im very accepting of people but skeptical of their motives.

I learned the hard way that its not good to have your husband/SO as your only good friend. Its nice, but somehow deep down other friends are good too. I just havent gotten to that point yet. Now that I'm single, I have no one.

I have, literally, a handful of friends that I have "grown up" with and have know for over thirty years (yeah, guss that dates me). I feel quite blessed having these friends in my life as time can pass bewteen us and when we reconnect, it's as if no time has passed at all! They know me, I know them and there are no pretenses.

Acquaintances, over time, can become friends and over more time, close friends. These days though, with everyone running the rat race, the process of "friends" becoming "close friends" is becoming more of a challenge. It seems no one has time anymore time to dedicate to nurturing and supporting deeply connecting relationships.

I'm always up for a challenge and welcome the possibility of adding new close friends to my world.

its ok.....because we feel different we tend to not want anyone too close but in fact it is what we really need and want at times. I stopped being so scared .but Im still careful.

A few. I desire lots friends and am animated in group situations, but seem to act more like a hermit.

Wow! I never really thought about this too much, but I am the same way.

I am usually the person that my few close friends unload on. I don't really have close friends to rely on for my personal unloading. My wife is the only person I can truly talk to.

A strange thing has been happening. I have just recently been developing a good friendship with someone who unloads a lot on me but is also helpful with my problems. It's more of me relating similar problems to her own problems. She is the only one I can trust, though. Others have been back-stabbing types.

Wow... I should have looked here sooner... This is exactly what I have been struggling with for the past couple of weeks... I was even thinking of posting it up in my Blog and asking some advice... funny that...

I have a couple of people that are close to my heart... But only one or two real friends... (And I find that it bothers me more than it used to.) At one point I had many acquaintances and chose to keep things superficial, And that is okay for some things... (Like the people that I would take a class with or know on a professional level.) But really, I think that I would be much happier to have a fair amount of lower level friends and one or two really close friends. (Lower level meaning the kinds of friends that have your phone number, come to your home for dinner parties, would pick you up if you were really stranded, and knew how you took your coffee... Close friends would know the real inner you...)

I find that after my choices in the past I am afraid to make new friends, of either kind. (I have a criminal restraining order against my ex... So I have not made the best choices in character in the past...) After moving around and being on the go constantly for the past three and a half years I am now at a cross roads of actually settling down again. But HOW does one decide who to let in and how far to let them in when you do? Who gets the phone number? Who can know where you live? Who do you trust with your baggage? And if nothing else, how do you know if someone is trustworthy or not... (Far too many crazy-girl/ backstabbing stories in my past... And it seems that I am not alone...)

What started the whole thing for me was my oldest friend (of two decades) stopped seeing *me*... she made an observation about me that was totally inaccurate, and then proceeded to tell me all about how I was. She was very sure of herself. And dead wrong. (And it is something that she and I went through together for a long time... So she really should have known, we talked about it to death too...) The flip side of that is I was seeing a guy for a bit that I discounted for not seeing *me*... He sent me an e-mail that was pleasantly eerie in it truth and insight as to the real me... And he hardly knew me at all... But somehow, this guy knew me better than my oldest friend...

How does that happen?

The other part that worries me is the time? work? maintenance? (I can't find the right word here) that real friendships take. I want to be a good friend. Not the flaky friend because I am happily hiding out under my rock... And finding others who are not driven screaming mad at my need to question everything is difficult. (Why is it that they don't get that question because I want knowledge and possibilities, not because I doubt... (Okay, maybe a little, but that is not the focus of the questions... I just want to know the all of a thing...)

But I am rambling here, and this is long... So I am ending... Save for one more question: Is it easier for you to bare it all to a stranger that you will likely never meet than those people that you know? (It is why I have enjoyed Tribe and the Interwebs so much...) Just wondering...

I meant to add just that I think that there can be so many reasons why close friends have never been made - and none of them are because someone isn't capable of creating a great friendship for the first time even if that is at 80 years old! . Sometimes it is as simple as where someone lives, and there literally not being a whole lot of choices that are appealing, and sometimes, or at least from my experience or bias, it stems deeper to a difficulty maybe in attaching to others, feeling like it can't be done in a safe way, because maybe the earliest attachments that someone lived through were genuinely unsafe, even horrible, and then that template or blueprint is something that is carried inside years later, even though it far from serves one anymore. There is an interesting book I read once called Becoming Attached: How Our Earliest Relationships Shape Our Capacity To Love.' I think they do shape it, but I also don't think they need to determine them at the same time. Easier said than done though, I know...but I do wish for you the joy of a close friend if that is what you are longing for.

I'm kind of in the same boat. I used to feel like a social failure because I don't have that many close friends. I know lots of people and I'm friendly with them. THey'd probably help me out if I needed it and I'd do the same for them. But close? No. Most people don't really get who I am and if I'm not understood, how could I consider someone close? I sometimes feel lonely, but that's more of a function of people not understanding me rather than not actually having people around all the time. I think most people would find it surprising that I do feel lonely since my outward persona is positive, social and friendly. But that's just because...they don't get me!! tee hee hee! Anyway, as I get older, I am just more comfortable with me being me and having quality friends, not a large quantity.